Rainy Days in the Desert

When I woke up Wednesday morning, this was the the gloomy view out of my window at 5:30AM.  It is usually bring and sunny by that time.

Kuwait was about to get it's first heavy rain in a long time.  Rain in Kuwait is a bit like an ice storm in Atlanta, Georgia.  This area really isn't prepared to handle it and things get out of whack.  The sewage systems here aren't sufficient for heavy rain and parts of the country are experiencing flooding.  In my part of town, it rained heavily for about 10 minutes followed by light showers on and off throughout the day.  Here was the scene on the way to work. The commute took about 20 minutes longer than usual due to traffic.

that's a puddle, not a pond

another puddle

My school was opened for the day along with a few other private schools.  The ministry (local government) closed all public schools for Wednesday, as noted here.  Only 8 of my 15 students came to school with similar numbers in other classes as well.  Rain and heavy winds were predicted for Thursday.  All schools were cancelled for the day.  So it's official ladies and gentlemen.  I have experienced my first "Rain Day".

Comparisons

Sometimes I find myself making mental list of comparisons between Kuwait and the US.   In my case, I am comparing my own personal experience as a resident in Raleigh, North Carolina vs. my current home in Mahboula, Kuwait. Living in another country can highlight some of the basic things that you have taken for granted for years.  On the other hand, it can make you appreciate the things you didn't know your were missing. 

1.     Colors-Raleigh Wins

Raleigh has beautiful scenery.  Currently it is the beginning of the fall season and the leaves are turning shades of red,yellow, and orange.  The weather is becoming a bit cooler with temperatures in the mid 60s-low 70s. Houses and offices buildings range in colors.   Fall in Kuwait means that temps are dipping…..wait for it….below 100 Farenheit!  Believe it or not, I can feel the difference and welcome the high 90s.  If this has an effect on the sparse trees, it is not an obvious one.  The overall color scheme  of homes and buildings remains varying shades of beige. with a little grey and white thrown in here and there. 

Autum in Raleigh

No so colorful Kuwait

2.     Public Bathrooms- Kuwait Wins

Shopping malls, grocery stores, and various public locations commonly have restroom attendants to ensure cleanliness. While this is not a job I would ever desire, it is certainly one I can appreciate.  Christians are the only people who say that cleanliness is next to Godliness. Cleanliness is an important part of Islamic faith.  I mentioned the bidet hoses pictured below in a previous post as something that is found in public and private restrooms here.  I have since learning that washing the private areas with clean water from the hoses is highly important for Muslims.  Prayer takes place 5 times daily and most public places have prayer rooms. Clean hands and face are required for prayer. I'm guessing that is why clean restrooms are a high priority here. 

3.     Sidewalks - Raleigh Wins

Basically, Raleigh has sidewalks! Kuwait doesn’t have any in the neighborhood that I live.  It’s simply sand running into the paved roads.  This means that I wear sneakers instead of sandals when I walk around my neighborhood even though it’s 100 degrees. The sand has lots of gravel mixed in so wearing sandals is no fun.

4.     Taxi- Kuwait wins

To be fair, I’ll admit that I never once caught a cab in Raleigh.  I had a car.  I don’t have a car here.  I walk outside about 10steps to the curb and a taxi usually pulls up within 2 minutes.  Sometimes if traffic is a little busy, I might have to wave one down.  This is also a way to have a cultural experience as your driver might be from India, Pakastan,  or Bangladesh to name a few places.  Today the driver of my taxi asked me out to dinner, so apparently this is also a way to get a date too.

5.     Traffic- Raleigh Wins

When American’s think of traffic, I think we think of cars slowing down causing us to be late or delayed in arriving to the next location.  In Kuwait I think of traffic as the sometimes near death experience of getting from point A to point B.  Stop signs and yield signs seem to be more suggestions than rules here.  There also seems to be some goal to get as close to the other cars on the road as possible without swiping off their rear view mirrors.  When I approach a traffic circle I just say a prayer to come out alive and, gratefully, I’ve lived every time. 

6.     Malls- Kuwait wins

Raleigh has some lovely malls.  You enter them for a little retail therapy and can spend a couple of hours there.  Kuwaiti malls can range from a 2 hour trip to a full day event.  This is the part where male-readers might cringe in horror.   Kuwaiti malls cater to a lifestyle of leisure.  Malls here have some of the same stores we see in the states such as Gap, Old Navy, and H&M with prices about 20-30% higher (for the same exact stuff).  One of the larger malls here has multiple locations of the same store so that you can stop at the Gap upstairs if you overlooked it when you were downstairs. There are also local and international retailers.  There are plenty of high end stores here such as Cartier, Gucci, Prada, and Burberry for those with money to blow. Many of them have children’s stores next door so that your little ones can sport their own Burberry as well.  In Kuwaiti malls you can shop, go to movies, go bowling, work out in the gym, let kids play in the arcades, eat at restaurants, and do your grocery shopping at the full supermarket that each of them seem to have in the lower level.  

bowling night at the mall

7.     The Beach-Kuwait Wins

It takes me a couple of hours to drive from Raleigh to the Beach.  In Kuwait it takes about 10 minutes.  I joined a fancy health club recently for quality equipment and group fitness classes.  I was willing to pay that arm and leg membership fee because members also have access to this beach!

8.     Trash Disposal/Recycling- Raleigh Wins

Littering is a problem all over the world unless you live in Singapore.  In Raleigh there seem to be trash cans and recycling bins at parks, grocery stores, and most public locations.  Kuwait seems to have opted out of placing trash bins randomly throughout the city so you seem  to find piles of trash randomly all over the place.  It’s not pretty.

somewhere else in the world

kuwait- notice the debris next to the palm trees. This is a common sight here. 

9.     Smoking-Raleigh Wins

Remember when you used to have to request non-smoking sections in restaurants?  Now we don’t do that in most states anymore because smoking is banned in most public places.  Some states even ban smoking in outdoor public places like Central Park in New York.  I am reminded that I’m not in Kansas anymore when I eat in restaurants or walk through malls and find myself inhaling a cloud of 2^nd hand smoke here in Kuwait.   Smoking cigarettes and smoking shisha (hookah) is a common practice here. 

10. Paycheck- Kuwait wins

Don’t act surprised.  If you know me, you know I didn’t just move here for the cultural experience.  If that’s all I wanted, I could have watched the travel channel and read National Geographic.  North Carolina ranks shamefully low in teacher pay.  

Emergency Travel

Life happens.  I recently traveled from Kuwait to my hometown of Toledo, Ohio in the USA to be with a loved one who passed away shortly after my arrival.  While I was devastated by the loss, I was very grateful to have the means for this travel.  I can attest to the fact that the desire to get home quickly can cloud the thinking process.  Your mind is consumed.  Here are some things that may be helpful if you live overseas or far away from friends and family and need to travel on short notice.

     1.     Have an emergency fund

Hopefully you have heard the statement “A failure to plan is a plan to fail”.  There are some things we just can’t plan out exactly, but are bound to happen.  It is wise to have money set aside in case of the car breaking down, a need for emergency travel, or the water heater malfunctioning.  The idea is that one emergency can be handled without “Robbing Peter to Pay Paul” and causing another emergency.   My emergency fund is enough money to cover airfare to the US and things like ground transportation and a couple night’s stay in a hotel, if necessary.  I don’t use it to pay my routine bills, travel, or to make impulse buys. ( OK, I have used it for an impulse buy before, but I’m getting better at this)

      2.     Your emergency fund needs to be accessible in an emergency

This one seems kind of obvious, but it is definitely something to think about.  I have some savings in an account that requires 2-3  days for a wire transfer to my primary bank account. Hello?  Emergencies don’t wait that many days!  The primitive sock or envelope full of money may not be your best bet either unless you plan to walk into an airport and purchase a ticket at the counter with cash.  That may work if your anticipated flight is not already sold out.  Not to mention, Kuwaiti banks have strange hours that really don’t cater to working people. I’m talking 10am-3pm and everything closes on holidays/holy week days.  This is a difficult concept for us to understand as US citizens where we can deposit cash at multiple walk up and drive through atm machines and have access to it within seconds or 24 hours at the latest.  While I have noticed atm machines here, I don’t know whether depositing cash is an option. Any plan that would involve physically walking into a bank branch to access money or deposit funds would be subject to these factors. In my situation, I needed to travel during a local holy week.  Banks were closed.  Thankfully, I had money in an account that was easily accessible for me to purchase my ticket online. 

      

     3.     Bookmark the sites for cheapest flights on our computer. Ask for a bereavement rate if your are traveling for a funeral

Some suggestions are skyscanner.net, google.com/flights for international travel and expedia.com or kayak.com for domestic travel

      4.     Keep your toiletry bag stocked inside your carry on

      Sometimes you are traveling with just 1 or two carry on bags.  You may not have time to get to a store and stock up in their travel aisle.   You can’t throw your Dove body wash from the shower into your carry on because the airport limits liquids to 3 oz. Remember that this is the rule in the US even if you are traveling from a country that doesn’t limit.  If you make if from the first country with your 12 oz. body wash, customs in the US will make you throw it away.  When I traveled home recently, I flew for about 20 hours, arrived at the local airport, and went straight to the hospital. I was able to freshen up using my toiletry bag and change clothes with the change of clothing from the carry on.  Also, if you are traveling for an event like a wedding or funeral, you should pack your dress clothes in your carry on.  Airlines lose bags. You don't want lost wardrobe to be another emergency. 

                                       

      

      5.     Have a packing list

This is not advice that I have followed myself recently, but in retrospect, it would have been nice to reference.  It’s so easy to pack up the laptop and leave the charger or pack two pair of pants but forget undies.   A list helps. 

    

  

      6.      Always know where your passport is

If you have 2 hours to prepare for a flight, you can’t waste 45 minutes searching the house for your passport.  A passport is absolutely necessary to fly between countries.   I suggest a designated spot for your passport and US specific cards (Car Insurance, AAA, Kroger Cards) that you can always pick up quickly and throw into your carry on at a moments notice

7.     Check your country’s policy on travel for non-citizens

Many expats, like myself, move to a country where jobs sponsor you so that you can acquire a long-term residency status.  Without this status, you are not free to come and go in and out of the country freely.   If you leave your country without acquiring the long term residency status, you may cancel out your job’s sponsorship. You may not be allowed to return to the country where you are employed.  Do the research.

8.     Know your job’s policy for absence and who to call when you will be absent

Did you read your contract thoroughly?  Do you have sick days, personal days, and bereavement days? My job did share this information with me during a 20 minute presentation on a week full of staff development and countless presentations. I didn’t remember every step 1.5 months later when my mind was already consumed with worry about my grandma’s life.  Write these things down.  Save it electronically on your personal flash drive or in a manner you can access from home. In my case, I needed to have a conversation with a representative from HR to discuss the Visa process before travel.  When you live overseas, it is impossible to keep work and home life completely separate.  The lines are a bit blurrier. You might not have a convenient phone tree to use for contacts. Save the essential numbers in your phone. 

9.  Remember how travel effects your body

International travel means crossing time zones.  It means going to bed when you would normally be wide awake.  You will experience jet lag both ways.  Factor this in when deciding on your return date.  I lose a full day because flights to the Middle East from my home town take a minimum of 18 hours but can last 26 or more hours with layovers.  Know that you may return to work dealing with the same jet lag effects that you endured during the first 2 weeks of your initial move.  You may be unable to fall asleep before 2 am and still wake up at 4am. You probably want to consider this if a deadline or important meeting is approaching.

Difficult Choices- Dealing with Loss Overseas

Moving across the world means that we must make the choice to live far away from friends and family.  I was aware of this.  I’ve had practice with this for years. I have not lived in the same state with my family for almost 9 years now.  But often this includes choices that are complicated by distance.   Can I make it home for a graduation?  Do I pay for an app on my phone that allows relatives to call me overseas free of charge?  Recently, I dealt with a very complicated choice.  Do I fly home to spend final moments of life with my grandmother or wait and go home later for a funeral?  Is one more important than the other?  There really is no easy answer for this question.  I’m not the first to encounter it and I won’t be the last.  The choice comes down to what the individual thinks is best. 

My grandmother is Ida Bell.  I have always called her “Grandmommy”.  She was called by many names “Granny, Lady, Ida B, B, Auntie, Ida the Great, and Momma just to name a few. Her house was the place we went on snow days and sick days as children. Her home was the place of countless Sunday and holiday gatherings. Her voice and smile would greet us saying "Come on in here and give Granny some sugar!" Whether blood related or not, you were treated like family in her presence. She had 6 children, 15 grandchildren, 22 great-grandchildren, and 9 great-great grandchildren.  During our family gatherings, she would often say  “I have 5 generations in this one room.  Somebody get a camera and take a picture of me with my great, great grandbaby!” 

 

Ida with one of her 9 great-great grandchildren

Ida with a great-great niece 

Pictured with great and great-great grandchildren

My grandmother loved the Lord. She was always very active in her church. She was a retired health-care worker and I have many memories of visiting sick and elderly friends during my childhood even though she was actually retired for most of my life.  She loved her family. She was our matriarch at age 89. The oldest of all her siblings.  Having us gather together for family dinners, picnics, reunions, holiday gatherings, various celebrations was exciting for her. I will always remember her saying “You needs to know your family. There’s nothing in the world like family.”  Another quote that makes me smile: “You children need to get to the reunions so you will know yo folks.  It be a shame for you to bring home a man to marry and we got to tell you no because he is your cousin!”  Her smile was beautiful. Her laugh was contagious. Even her reprimands were gentle for the grands and great-grands. 

 

Ida with a few of her sisters-My great Aunts

Ida is pictured in the middle of relatives at a family reunion

I told her this spring that I was moving to Kuwait.  

Granny:“Whereabout is that Janeen.” 

Me :“It’s near Saudi Arabia”. 

Granny: “Yes, but how do you get there? Do you drive,fly? 

Me: It’s about 18-20 hours by plane to get there. 

Granny: (voice raised) 18 hours. O, you are leaving the country! Lord, chile I sure hope you thought about this and prayed on it.” 

Me: Yes, Ma’am I have. 

Granny: I don’t know what you want living in another country but you make sure to keep praying” .   That is the short version of the conversation. She told me to pray about it at least 6 times in that conversation along. That was something she admonished us to do regularly.  Pray about everything.  Trust God. Help other people. Live a full life.  She showed us in both her words and actions. 

Me and my 'Grandmommy' in 2008

Last week, I got a call that my grandmother’s health was failing progressively and she might need to be transferred to a hospice.  My thoughts “This is all happening so fast. This my worst nightmare about living so far away from home.  I don’t know what to do”.  I had to take action and make a decision.  Do I leave immediately and see her in what could possibly be her final moments?  Do I hope for a change and just wait things out?  Do I wait for news of death and go home for a funeral?  Do I stay in Kuwait throughout everything?  Really the last option was not even an option.  Last week there was no school in Kuwait because of a Muslim holiday called Eid.  I had several days off of work.  I knew that it was be torture to have idle days in Kuwait just waiting on news.  I called some friends to see what they would do.  I prayed about it.  I checked on this status of my Visa.  This is an important question for expats in different countries.  Does your country have rules preventing you from returning if you don’t have long term residency?    There were some  implications associated with my departure just 1 month after I arrived.  I decided that the need to be home was worth the potential hassles I may have to deal with when I returned to Kuwait. 

If dog's go to heaven, then her dog 'Red" was panting happily when he greeted her at the pearly gates! 

In all of this, I find many reasons to be grateful.  My grandmother lived for 89 years.  She lived  a very active and full life.  I have peace in knowing that she was ready to meet the God she served for so many years. I’m also grateful that I was able to purchase the ticket from Kuwait to Detroit without a problem. I recently referenced my emergency fund in a previous blog entry and I used it to buy my plane ticket.  This loss is bittersweet.  I can’t imagine life without her.  I get sad when I think of returning home without having her at the family gatherings at her house.  She will not attend my wedding and my children will not have the pleasure of knowing her.  The sweet end to the bitter is the fact that her legacy is a part of me and the many people she touched.  She was influential in community organizations and her church as well as my family.

Young Ida playing piano at her church

I had to make a really difficult decision.  I chose to be near my Grandma’s side in her final hours.  I got off of the plane and went straight to the Hospice center. I spent the day in her room with family members talking and singing worship songs. She passed away that evening. I would not trade those hours for anything even though I had to returned to Kuwait before her funeral.  That was tough.  I made the right decision for myself.  I decided to have a dinner and invite a few friends when I returned.  After inviting them, I thought about it later that evening and realized they would be with me at 6pm in Kuwait which is 11am in Ohio.  I had company during the time of her funeral.  That brought me great comfort. I continue to deal with grief and know this will last for years to come.  That actually makes sense to me considering her influence on my life will last forever.  I sympathize with every person who deals with great loss.  If you have a family member who lives a great distance away, please know that the distance may complicate their ability to be present physically, but distance does not make the grieving process any easier. 

You are looking at one sharp Sista! She loved a good suit  and hat. She used to say "Janeen I don't know why you won't wear a hat too. You look good in them" when I would try on one of her many hats. 

Thank you God for my Grandmother's life!  I was so blessed to have her with me for this long.